I knew — and I goddamn knew — that getting up in the morning is a difficult task for many, including myself. I’ve always wanted to wake up early, but there have been several instances when I managed to do it for a few days and then slipped back to my old routine.
People talk about a biological clock inside us — and it’s true. No alarm clock in the world can match the biological clock in your own mind.
Today, I got up around 5 o’clock — after struggling for the past 4–5 months to do so — and it happened on its own. I don’t know why it happened today, of all days.
I kept writing about it in my diaries and made plans for it. I even bought an alarm app called Alarmy, which I wouldn’t have purchased otherwise.
Getting up early also brings a strange feeling — that you have more time to do things, even though you actually have the same 24 hours as everyone else. It gives your life a sense of purpose, and your mind a calm, cool space where you can think clearly.
As I’m writing this article, I’m not entirely comfortable because I’ve lost the habit of writing for a very long time. I’ve even lost the ability to type without looking at the keyboard because my mind has forgotten the positions of the keys.
But here I am — in the morning — writing another article for my blog. It’s not inspired by anyone; I just want to do it. Last night, I was rereading James Clear’s Atomic Habits, and he mentioned that he used to write every Monday and Thursday and post one article. That struck me.
But there are distractions, even in the morning. For example, I was wishing for a peaceful start, but my father also woke up with me, and later my mother too. They both pretend the whole day that they have very useful lives, doing things that don’t really matter anymore but it give them peace of mind — a sense that they’re at least doing something.
It doesn’t matter what you do in life, as long as you get up in the morning and keep doing the right things. I truly believe that, over time, my writing will improve — just as it once did — and I’ll get back to my top form when I used to write a lot every day.
I’ve published many books on Kindle earlier, and today I feel like my writing has gone haywire.
Another big deterrent is mosquitoes — they ruin my mornings. They’re everywhere, and there’s no way to get rid of them completely. We use all kinds of repellents, but they keep coming back. Their birth rate is higher than their death rate. No matter how many I kill, more seem to return.
I think mosquitoes are God’s way of telling us not to play with nature — the more hospitals and medicines you make, the more ways of bringing death upon yourself He will create.
Getting up early and developing that habit also has a downside — you feel sleepy two hours later because your body isn’t ready yet.
Right now, my entire desk is full of useless papers, and I can’t do anything about it. I want to clean it up so I can write calmly and comfortably with proper keyboard alignment, but I’m scared I’ll lose the flow of this article.
So far, I haven’t been able to kill even one mosquito, and it feels really bad that mosquitoes always seem to win against mankind. How can you defeat an opponent that’s endless? You can only fight until your end — because they have none.
The air conditioner is running, and yet I’m sweating. I want to turn on the fan, but I can’t — the flow can’t be broken.
My mind has to learn to write relentlessly.
When I write articles, I’ve noticed that I keep making the same kinds of spelling mistakes. They’re not the same ones I make when writing with a pen — it’s just that my finger movements on the keyboard aren’t error-free.
Suddenly, I got this feeling of winning — of being proud of myself.
What a great experience it is to conquer your inner laziness and go against your own mind to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do.
I’ve made a commitment to write 1,000 words every day, and I hope I can keep that going.
I’ve read so many books and made videos too, and I think if I keep getting up early every morning, I’ll be able to accomplish this goal.
What do I want from this?
I don’t know — maybe I simply want to develop discipline and go against my mind, which keeps failing me and putting me in places where I don’t want to be.
I know my writing isn’t completely honest — I only write things that won’t embarrass me in front of people in the future. I’m too scared of becoming famous in a negative way. I don’t know how people who are famous get over that. Maybe they build some kind of mental muscle. Still, it’s difficult for me to be brutally honest about my thoughts while writing.
There’s a darker side of me — maybe even a perverted side — that I don’t want the world to know about.
So here I am, writing the first of many articles in this series of 1,000-word daily pieces.
I know nothing may come out of it — but still, it feels good to write at least something after such a long time.
Time to switch on the fan and bid adieu to the mosquitoes and sweat.
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