It is very easy to understand the outer world, but it is very difficult to understand yourself.
I am unable to understand my own mind.
There are things I want to do, but I am unable to do them because my mind doesn’t support me.
What does my mind consist of?
I don’t know what it consists of.
But I know one thing for sure: there are certain programs in my mind that work in the opposite direction.
I don’t understand why, when I know what the right thing to do is and my mind has knowledge of it, it refuses to follow it at times.
I know reading will help me, but I don’t read much.
Sometimes I look at a book and want to read it, but a part of my brain refuses to pick it up and open it.
There is always a sense of urgency, like I am losing time on something. I have lots of time, yet I feel like not doing anything.
I shift from one thing to another like a monkey but am unable to complete anything.
At times it feels that anything I do won’t matter in the end.
Maybe my mind has learned over time that whatever efforts I have made haven’t brought anything for me.
I am not as rich as I want to be.
There is a fixed amount I have set for myself, and yet I have been unable to attain it for the last five or six years.
No theories regarding money ever work.
Things keep getting worse and worse.
Is it just my own mind, or is something worse?
Maybe it is stagnation.
Maybe I desire too much too soon.
But then when I look back, so much time has passed and nothing ever came out of it.
At times it feels that everyone knows how to live life, and I am the only one who doesn’t.
What to do, whom to ask, where to look?
You read one book and your perception changes.
But that motivation doesn’t last forever. The same book that I devour like a maniac and that makes me decide to change my life feels like a boring read the next time.
Sometimes I deliberately don’t pick up a motivational book because I don’t want to change my mind.
It is not that I am happy in my current state, but too much motivation, if not put into action, will make you anxious.
I am already suffering from hypertension. My blood pressure rises on its own at times when I want to be calm, and my body refuses to listen to me and does whatever it feels like.
The heart palpitations are sometimes so strong that I can even hear my own heart.
Why am I like this?
I didn’t want to be like this.
I can fool others, but how can I fool myself?
At times it becomes demotivating.
Nothing affects me after that.
There are too many “gyani” people in this world who keep giving “gyan” on everything.
The moment you tell your problem to someone, bingo—the next moment a flurry of statements about how to solve it comes your way.
People like to solve others’ problems very much.
Giving advice to others is such a soothing activity.
I have done it myself, and I love doing it.
I have, however, curtailed it now. I don’t talk much to people and try not to give them too much advice.
But again, what is the right path? Every path that looks right today feels like a lost cause after a few days.
Why can’t I just focus on one thing for a long period of time?
Why am I interested in doing everything in the fucking world?